Everyday Love: Entry 8

Author's note:  For those of you who have gotten used to the shortness and simplicity of the journal entry style of Everyday Love, I hope that this return to traditional form like I wrote Silk Talons with isn't too jarring.  I chose this way to write this chapter because I felt it conveyed everything the way it needed to be.  It's a bit long, but I hope you enjoy it!


The day following the breakup  (8 days after Cancer Incident)

It was mid-morning in Gridania, and a cloudy haze hung over the forest city.  On any other day, the lack of sunlight would have prompted a myriad of candles and sconces to send their light dancing along the room's walls.  Today, however, the dark clouds stretched for miles in all directions, with not a single ray of light breaking through, leaving the room Ginal had been renting lifeless and cold, cast in a dark gray light.  

On any normal rainy day, she would have been up and running about the town, splashing about in the streams or twirling about aimlessly in the rainfall.  But today, Ginal lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling.  She had been doing so all night, and though her body was tired, her soul was restless.  She had been reliving the events of the previous day over and over, until she believed she had every word and bit of body language memorized.

"I'll never be strong enough to not need you to save me," she had told Selah.  "Nor will I be adult enough to not be jealous of every woman who looks your way, or sophisticated enough to fit into your world."

A short and soft sigh escaped her, and she rolled over onto her side.  Her eyes focused on the picture frame that sat by her bed, and from it Selah's loving gaze smiled back.

"You always have to watch out for me," she had continued.  "You always have to take care of me.  I've completely taken over your life.  I've held you back from everything great that you were meant to achieve."  

She had looked into Selah's eyes as the hyur had tried to speak, likely words of protest that Ginal knew she didn't need to hear.  "I'm nothing short of a burden.  And now, after that beast, I'm so terrified of the smallest creatures.  I will never be good enough to be your lover."

The miqo'te remembered how her own eyes welled as she witnessed the same from her beloved.  "Go and reclaim what I stole from you, my beloved Selah.  Goodbye."

A knock on the door, the familiar sound of an armored gauntlet striking wood, followed by a familiar voice, "Sister?  Sister are you there?"

On any other day, Ginal would have been overjoyed to share in her adopted brother's company.  To lock lances in a sparing match, and to be spoiled to yet another large breakfast on his own gil.  But today, she only barely heard the call for her presence, and was entirely unaware of the linkpearl that sat on the table as it began to plead for her attention.

Ginal whimpered as she gazed upon that smile, as a short stream of tears fell down her face to her sheets.  She rolled onto her other side and stared at the wall.  She drew in an unsteady breath and let out another short sigh.  Her ears folded in with another whimper, as she continued to lay there, wishing for the sleep that wouldn't come.



On and on through the night, Selah fled.  She ran, and jumped, and leaped, and still ran, the ache in her heart driving her desperately to escape Gridania.  She didn't care where she ended up, she just knew that she couldn't stay in that city.  Her heart thundered in her ears and she trembled all over, overcome by this anxiety and inexplicable ache in her very soul.

This pain was worse than anything, absolutely anything, she had ever felt in her life.

And so, as the Shroud was covered in thick, dark clouds that threatened to unleash their own fury and heartache, she wandered into the corridors of the Spirithold, her trembling hands desperately clinging to the relic lance she held before her.  A small pack of the gray skinned imp demons that called this place their home fluttered about as they eyed Selah over, grinning in their gleeful mischief.  As the dragoon gazed upon these lesser demons, she felt a surge of anger and adrenaline.  She hated these damned things.

The larger, lead imp gathered aether between its hand to begin the assault.  Selah cried out angrily and leaped forward, her lance piercing the felfiend's chest as it shrieked in pain.

"I've taken you for granted every day we've been together," she had told her darling Kitten.

The hyur grit her teeth as she lunged at another imp, ichor painting the wall as her weapon tore through it's form.  Her eyes began to glisten with tears as she spun about, and was upon the next felfiend with another powerful leap, the blade of her lance piercing it's skull.

"I've tried to change you," she remembered continuing.  "To make you what I would have called graceful and mature.  To make you as organized as I am.  To make you what I had thought was refined, so you could fit into my world."

Ginal had been speaking also, as tears pooled within those gorgeous green eyes.  Words of protest, Selah knew, to try to buy time in their one sided romance.  But Selah didn't need to hear it, she just needed to let Ginal go.

As the dragoon ran deeper into the ruined dungeon, she swung and stabbed her lance about wildly, dismembering and slicing apart the countless packs of imps that came to meet her desperate and enraged cries.  More and more of the felfiends' life bloods painted the crumbling walls and floors like a gruesome canvas.

"I tried to make you what I misguidedly thought was "better" so that I could be more comfortable with you.  But all I accomplished was forcing you into situations you weren't ready for, and driving you to the brink that nearly killed you."

Selah couldn't fight her own tears as she had watched her words cut into her beloved's heart.  "And now, you lie broken because of my own selfishness."

She had wanted to hold and kiss Ginal one final time, but she knew it would only be a cruel delaying of the necessary.  "I leave you in the care of those who will help you mend and find your way back to the strong and lively woman you used to be.  I will always love you, my Kitten.  Goodbye."

The hyur's vision began to blurr as she wandered back to gloom covered forest of the Shroud.  Thunder drummed overhead as the rain finally came, and Selah dropped her lance and fell to her knees.

The tears couldn't be fought, and they wouldn't stop.

What little light there was gracing the Twelveswood was fading as Selah entered the large cottage that was Gabineux's Bower.  Her eyes were puffy and she felt exhausted, her clothes were soaked and her hair was a matted mess.  She shivered mildly from the cold rain as she glanced around, and she sat herself on then bench facing the furnace ahead of the door.

A svelte hyur woman, who looked to be in her thirties, and had her lovely blonde hair tied back in a simple pony tail, approached Selah with a kind smile and wrapped a large blanket around the dragoon's shoulders.

"Thanks," came Selah's distracted response.

The blonde nodded and maintained her smile, "A glass of whiskey to warm you up?"

After a moment of thought, the auburn haired dragoon nodded, and was led to a table on the far end of the cottage.  The older woman returned a moment later, setting down a small glass and filling it halfway with the golden liquid.  Selah eagerly sipped at the drink, as the blonde returned yet again with a small loaf of bread.

"I have a stew that's already hot, if that's fine for you?" the barmaid inquired.

Selah nodded with a slight and forced smile, "It's fine, thanks."

With her empty stomach and encroaching exhaustion, the liquor was quickly stirring in Selah's head.  She looked over her shoulder and watched the barmaid preparing a bowl of said stew, and the dragoon found that the woman's tight fitting trousers showed off her rear rather nicely.  The blonde returned with the small meal, and offered that kind smile again.

"Well then, Miss, is there anything else I can do for you?"

As Selah looked upon that smile, and let her eyes linger over the woman's frame, she felt a wet warmth stirring between her legs.

"As a matter of fact...there is something else you can do for me..."  The dragoon leaned back and offered a sly, playful grin, letting it be obvious that she was looking the woman over.

With a nod and a smirk, the barmaid laughed softly, "Hmm...it has been slow today.  And who am I to turn away such a lovely customer."  She paused and glanced over the auburn haired woman, "You CAN pay, can't you?"

Selah chuckled softly as she pulled some coins from her belt pouch and spread them on the table.  The blonde nodded approvingly as she gathered the shining Allegan coins into her own pouch.

"I'll go ready the bed.  Come find me when you're done eating."

The dragoon turned her attention to the meal and drink before her, and grinned absently.  It would be good, she thought, to have a roll around with someone who wasn't going to be indecisive about which set of parts she wanted attention on.

Selah paused at the thought and set her liquor down.  It felt as though her heart began to pound against her ribs as that smile and that blush and those eyes, those deep pools of pure emerald, haunted her memory.

"What am I doing?" She whispered as she looked down at herself.

This wasn't what she needed, she knew.  It would at best be a fleeting distraction, and it would do nothing to fill this hole in her heart, or dull this ache in her soul. She lay her head on the table as the tears began to return, and she slammed her balled fist down.

"Ginal...oh, Gods, Kitten, I miss you." she whimpered.

It had only been a day, but Selah felt utterly desperate to be back with Ginal, to hold her, and hear her heartbeat, and smell that vaguely sweet musk.  However practiced at being kind, it was doubtful this woman would be at all as eager to please as Ginal always had been.  Besides, a fling with a stranger would only be an empty moment, and nowhere near fulfilling, not as it was to have Ginal as her lover.

Even if Ginal was sometimes uncertain of her own body.

As the tears continued to silently trail down her cheeks, Selah stood and picked the bread up, and retrieved her lance from where it leaned against the table.  She wasn't really hungry, but she knew she had to try to eat.  She stepped back into the rainy, cold, and now dark woods of the Shroud, and set out for Bentbranch Meadows.  She would use the aetheryte to get back to Mist.

Heartache or no, the dragoon still had to try to do the job she agreed to when she started working with Free Company Doom.



Three days after breakup (10 days after Cancer Incident)

As Ginal looked herself over in her tall mirror, she confirmed to herself that she didn't want Grezel's company.  She didn't want to go to breakfast.  She didn't want to talk about Free Company assignments or general life banter.

She didn't want to do anything.

Had it been any other time of her life, the miqo'te would have been thrilled to have her adopted brother's company, or excited to find out what new job Timothy might have for her.  But today, standing her room which was only dimly lit by the rising sun, the lancer felt no enthusiasm, no drive, no hunger.  The only reason she bothered to ready herself was because Grezel was insistently waiting outside her room.

It even seemed like the world's colors had faded over the last few days.  Or was it just her?

Ginal frowned and let out a short sigh as she looked herself over again.  She was positive that she looked a mess, but no amount of grooming seemed to help.  She couldn't identify any one thing that was wrong or out of place, just a nagging feeling she had that she looked unworthy of leaving her room.  She could try to explain it to Grezel, but she knew he wouldn't listen.  She'd just have to go through the motions, and pray it wouldn't be too much of a slog before she cold come back and try to go back to sleep.

She walked to the corner and reached for her lance, but as her hand reach just scant inches from her weapon, she froze.  Her heart began to thunder in her twitching ears, and her tail swished about as she felt an anxiety rising in the pit of her stomach.

Images and feelings flashed through her mind.  An Ixal warrior drawing a dagger and planting it in her shoulder.  A ziz slashing its talon wildly and coming so close to her face that she cold feel the breeze of the motion.  A Coeurlclaw poacher loosing two arrows that found a home in her side.

A gigantic, towering crab beast that held her to its eyes with its pincer and nearly snapped her in half.

Ginal stumbled back from her lance, breathing rapidly as sweat beaded on her face.  She shook her head and continued to back away.

A knock on the door and Grezel's commanding baritone shook her from her anxieties, and she wiped her forehead as she drew in a breath.  Maybe another day, but most certainly not today, she thought as she retrieved a sheet and threw it over the weapon.



Five days after breakup (12 days after Cancer Incident)

Into the evening, after the sun had set on Free Company Doom's manor in The Mist, Selah sat on the windowsill behind her bed, and gazed out at the night sky.  Her eyes instinctively drifted to a particularly bright cluster of stars, one she had gazed upon her entire life.  On most nights, including those that had been her most lonesome or painful or distraught, she had been overcome by an inexplicable feeling that someone else was looking to the same stars, at the same time.  Someone she knew, somehow, was important.  Maybe even the most important person in the world.  And on this night, as she gazed upon her stars, she wondered, could it be her most cherished and beloved Ginal?

There had never been anyone more important.

The dragoon rested her head in her hand as she again began to feel overcome by emptiness, longing, and regret.  She knew that Ginal was better off without her.  She knew that Timothy, Grezel, Ozalie, Ywain and Miounne would watch out for her, and steer back to a path of recovery.

Hopefully even give her the unselfish love that Selah hadn't been capable of.

Knowing this didn't make her feel any better, though, as she poured herself some tea.  Her nights had been restless, long, cold and empty.  She found herself angry at little things, stupid things that before would have either gone unnoticed or only warrant a softly toned word or two.  Such as when she was guiding some of her free company mates through some lance form training.  This miqo'te girl, Historia she believed the name was, made a smart quip about Selah and Ginal's active sex life.

Formerly active, she reminded herself.

Had it been any other time of her life, Selah could have turned the quip around into a joke at the young woman's expense, but in that moment all she could do was berate and threaten the sarcastic little bitch.

Selah drew in a slow breath, and tried to exhale the rising anger away.  She realized that she had been stirring the sugar into her tea this entire time, and set the spoon down.  A knock came at the door, the sound of a gauntlet striking the wood.  The hyur woman set her tea down and answered the summons, and felt more than a little surprised to see Grezel before her.

From her point of view, he never ceased to look imposing as her towered over her, clad in that dark relic armor of the Azure Dragoons.  She respected him as her senior in that regard, and remembered how well he kept up with her during the battle with Ifrit weeks ago.

"Grezel, what can I do for you?  Did I miss another linkpearl call?"

"No, Selah, I've just come to speak with you.  May I enter?"

Selah hesitated at the words, and the somber way he spoke them.  Grezel rarely had anything to speak with Selah of other than training regimens, hypothetical battle tactics...

And Ginal.

The auburn haired woman forced her eyes to narrow in an attempt to guard her emotions, already feeling another vexed and mournful stirring in her heart.

"Yes, of course, come in."

Selah led the man to her "den," where she had the small sofa and coffee table flanked by matching armchairs, and sank into one of them.  Grezel opted to stand across from her.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

The woman felt an anxious stirring in her heart as she sensed she already knew.  What else would Grezel come to speak of but his adopted sibling, and no doubt to berate her for all the pain Ginal had been through at her own hands. 

Selah rose and began to pace, certain she knew, word for word what the older man would have to say. 

"Let me guess, you're here to talk about Ginal?"

The Azure Dragoon simply nodded.  Selah was right, after all. 

"I knew you'd be here eventually.  Here to remind me of how much heartache I've caused for her?  To tell me how broken she's become, and how the blame lies with me?"

She shook her head furiously as her vision began to blurr from the tears pooling. 

"Go on and say it!  I know it's the brother's job to defend his sister's honor!  Tell me how much I fucked up!"

The female dragoon slumped onto her sofa and buried her face in her hands.

"Gods, Grez!  I made a mess of everything!" Her voice was ragged between sobs.  "It's my fault, I'm the one who broke her!"

Grezel sat by his fellow dragoon and removed his helmet.

"You know that I've known Ginal longer than most."

Selah silently nodded, and realized that she had never seen Grezel's middle aged face.

"Then you can trust when I say that she has always struggled with her temper, and her pride...and her need for validation.  You, myself and Ywain have all chastised, mentored, and retrained her, and while I hope that recent events may have finally driven the message home, it is possible that she may continue to struggle with herself for some time.  She has always felt everything more quickly and more deeply than most."

"Yes...she's like a river sweeping all before her."

The senior dragoon leaned forward a bit and rested his hand on Selah's shoulder.  "It is a part of what she is, the same as her mixed gender.  It has never reflected poorly on you as Ginal's lover, because you care about her, and you try to steer her toward a more stable path.  Ultimately, it is up to Ginal to make the decision to overcome herself."

"But what if I can't be what she needs me to be, Grez?"  Selah huddled over and hugged her knees, "I'm...too cold.  Too distant, too hardened to be good for her."

"A facade for protection.  It is not the real Selah."

"It's the Selah I had to become to survive.  I lost the miller's daughter years ago.  It's the soldier that drew Ginal to me, but it's the soldier that's bad for her.  Could she love me if I cast that aside?"

"Why can't you be both?  You're not a mammet.  Selah, look at me."

The younger dragoon looked up, trying in vain to withhold the pain and desperation in her eyes.

"Do you remember what Ginal tried to force herself to live as when you first met her?  Trying to hide from the world for fear of another taunting, or shunning, or beating?  Trying to make herself feel attracted to men, because it might help her be some kind of normal?  And didn't you see right through to her heart, even if you couldn't find the words at first?"

Selah nodded absently, "I've always felt as though I could read her soul...I've never understood why."

"It's the same way that Ginal has seen through to your heart.  Do you truly believe that if the dragoon was all there was to you, that she would have felt so strongly for you?  And remember, this is not Coerthas, and there are no dragons here.  Even we dragoons are allowed to let our guard down sometimes, and feel...and love."

The younger dragoon looked searchingly to her senior.  "Do you really believe it's not too late?"

Grezel gave a soft smile as he rose, "I believe you need to find her, and talk to her.  Really talk."

The hyur man picked up his helmet and paused, "Tell me, are you familiar with the Everheart?"

"I don't believe I am."

"It's a relic, a set of circlets that lay in the possession of the Sultanate.  One is made of gold and inlaid with sapphires, the other gold inlaid with emeralds."

Grezel began to gesture as though holding said circlets, "You see, the two pieces lock together to form one.  Because of the way the gems then form a pattern, some people think initially that the gems look at odds.  Ultimately though, all who look closely see that the gems form a beautiful and complimentary pattern.  Legend has it that crafting this set took months or years of delicate work, but I think, to see it, you know it was worth it."

Selah smirked at the story, knowing that Grezel was referring to blue being her favorite color, and green being Ginal's.  "That's a lovely allegory, Grez.  Thank you."

"What allegory?  I was talking about a set of relic jewelry."

The armored man looked back at Selah from the doorway, "I hope you can get yourself back to Gridania within the next day or two.  There's a minstrel group playing at the Canopy.  They call themselves Dunking for Stew."

The younger woman laughed softly as her senior left her alone.  She remembered seeing these minstrels in Limsa Lominsa some few years ago.  Maybe she had two reasons to go back to Gridania.



The distance between the bed and the door of her room had never seemed noteworthy, but in recent days, it seemed like more and more of a hassle for Ginal to close that gap.  Another knock on her door as the miqo'te plodded up, no doubt Grezel had returned to try to console her over recent events with Selah.  He seemed concerned when she let it be known at their meal the day before what had happened, and she knew it was only a matter of time before he returned. 

The young lancer was genuinely surprised to see her elezen employer and his hyur beloved.

"Tim, Oz, I wasn't expecting you.  Well, erm, come in if you want."

The miqo'te tried to force a smile to greet her friends with, but the expression felt insincere.  Just going through the motions. 

Ginal didn't have much in the way of seating in this room, but offered Ozalie and Timothy her unkempt bed as a makeshift couch.  She sat before them in her desk chair.

"It's... nice to see you two.  What can I do for you?"

"It's been some days since we've seen you," Timothy explained.  "The last we had heard about you was from the Conjurers Guild, that you had healed nicely."

"We wanted to see how you are," Ozalie added. 

The lancer couldn't help but notice the way the two spoke in an inquiring, almost worried tone. 

"And you heard about what happened with me and Selah, and you're here to console me."

"That would be correct," the elezen said deliberately. 

"What happened to you two?" Ozalie pleaded.  "Just a month ago you sat in Selah's lap and told me about how you feel like you've loved before."

The redhead stood with a long sigh and turned away.  "I had to let her go."

"Why?" Timothy probed.

"Because I hold her back, and our last days together showed me just how much of a burden I really am."

The dark haired hyur smiled sadly as she reached for the elezen's hand.  "You sound like me."

Ginal felt honestly confused at the words.  From what she had known of Ozalie she seemed like a wonderful person, and a true compliment to Timothy. 

"What do you mean?"

"For a long time I used to feel like a burden on Tim.  I could only see the negative ways in which I could have effected him, instead of the positive ways I already had."

The redhead was surprised to hear such a thing.  How could this competent, fun, sharp-eyed and lovely woman ever think of herself so negatively?  Especially since it was so obvious how much Tim loved her and valued her.  People don't just love so deeply for no reason, and surely Ozalie would understand that?

"Eventually," the hyur continued, "I had two choices I could make.  I could either accept that Tim loved me because I'm a worthwhile person and, somehow, being with me made him better.  Or, I could continue to only see the worse parts of myself and never actually be ready for giving or receiving love."

Ginal was stung by the words, for she was not so far gone as to not see the parallels.  She slowly paced about, taking a long moment to think over what her friend was trying to tell her.  She shook her head with a saddened smile.

"However true some of that may be, it doesn't change the fact that I take, and take, and take from Selah and give so little back.  At the end of it, I had stolen her life away from her."

"Are you truly that foolish?"  The dark haired elezen's words had a sharp edge that left Ginal taken aback.  "Do you really think of Selah as someone you can "steal" anything from?  Did you never think that whatever she gave, she gave willingly?  Because she loves you, and wants to give you what you need?"

Timothy leaned closer, locking his gaze with the lancer's.  "Because, at heart, you are her life, the same she is yours."

The miqo'te felt utterly stunned as she returned to her seat, and though she tried, she could find no words to respond with.  Her employer relaxed his posture as Ozalie approached Ginal and knelt beside her.

"Ginal...help us understand.  What happened in the last couple weeks that made you feel this way? "

Ginal gathered her thoughts for a moment, and steadied herself with a slow exhale. 

"Selah wanted to go to this socialite...art gallery... thing.  It was something she thought would be great as part of a holiday."

"Go on," Tim encouraged.

"I kept making these mistakes.  I didn't know what to do or say, or how to react.  I didn't understand the art I was looking at.  I didn't fit in at all.  I got so fed up, that I practically dragged Selah back to our room."

The lancer's ears folded in as she sulked.  Remorse crept into her heart as she relived the holiday gone awry.

"She was so upset with me that she didn't talk to me much for the rest of the night, or at all the following morning.  I tried to get her attention, but she was ignoring me."

"Did you actually try to talk with her?" Timothy inquired.

Ginal hesitated as she relived the memory.  "I... No, I didn't.  I just made noises at her."

"If you had started talking, don't you think she would have responded?" the hyur archer urged her.

The miqo'te leaned back in her chair as a realization began to wash over her.  She finally began to understand that she had, so far, rarely truly talked things out with Selah.

"I just...assumed she would know what I wanted."

Her elezen employer laughed softly, "While I have seen you two finish some of each other's sentences, that alone is not true attunement.  That comes after a long time of living, loving, and communicating with each other."

Her heart and breathing began to quicken as Ginal buried her face in her hands.  The realization pushed further, forcing itself to be acknowledged fully.

"All I needed to do was distract that crab-beast for those stupid kids to get away."  Her voice was shaken as a few tears fell to the floor.  "But then I though, if I c-could stand my ground until she arrived, we could fight it off together.  Ev-even if we didn't kill it, we would still laugh about i-it later, after we had made love, an-and everything would be okay! But..."

Ginal's mind locked on still images of the Cancer, it's gigantic frame, it's hungry mouth...it's powerful pincers that nearly cut her in two.  Her breath came in fast, ragged spurts as she trembled in her seat, and her tail flicked about anxiously.  Ozalie embraced her friend in tight and loving hug.

"It's okay, Gin!  It's gone, Cancer is gone!  It's just us, now."

The miqo'te blinked rapidly as she slowly managed to relax herself and steady her breathing.  She embraced Ozalie in turn, burying her face in her friend's shoulder.

"I almost died because I couldn't think of something so simple as talking to my lover about our troubles.  And in the days following, I still couldn't think to talk to her.  I just let myself believe she was just going to up and leave me..."

Ozalie gently pulled away and returned to her seat by Timothy.  Ginal's eyes went wide as she shot up from her seat.

"Oh Gods, I have to find her!  I have to-to try to talk to her, tell her I'm sorry, and..."

The lancer paused mid-thought, "I...I don't know if I'll ever be good enough for her, but...at least I can try to make amends."

Ginal turned back to her friends from the doorway, who were both truly taken aback at the miqo'te's sudden emotional turnabout.  She offered a tired but sincere smile.

"I don't know why you hired me, Tim.  I'm an idiot."

With the words spoken, the redhead hurried away.

The elezen shook his head with a laugh, squeezing his own beloved's hand.

"Yes, you are.  One with all the potential in the world."



Ginal reached the bottom of the stairs to be greeted by the sounds of a minstrel band performing on the opposite end of the Carline Canopy's grand hall.  She listened to the upbeat and fast paced lute tunes and realized that she knew these musicians.  A group called Dunking for Stew, whom she had seen perform in Felgaurd Float some years ago.  She rather enjoyed their style, but shook the thoughts from her head.  She was on a mission, and today nothing would interrupt her.

The lancer hurriedly made her way through the crowded and noisy space, deftly dodging stumbling drunks and wildly gesturing story-tellers.  At last, she made it to the ever open entry to the canopy, and stopped short as her nose picked up a familiar scent.  Not just familiar, distinct and utterly unique in the way this scent mixed with it's wearer's natural, wonderful smell.

Lavender.

The redhead stepped around to the balcony that wrapped around the side of the Canopy, and halted when she took in the sight of her beloved leaning over the balcony railing.

"S-Selah..." she weakly managed through trembling lips.

The auburn haired woman had only barely heard the lancer, but turned herself about to find the speaker.  She had been trying to steel herself to make the walk up the stairs to see Ginal, but as she beheld that face, and that hair, and looked into those eyes, those pools of pure emerald that she could drown in, she wished that she had ran right up to see Ginal.

Selah slowly approached and held her hand to her Kitten's cheek.  She bit her lower lip as a surge of a dozen emotions swelled within her heart.  She couldn't decide whether or not to fight the tears that were coming.

"Oh, Ginal...I-there's so much to say, and ask, and...I don't know where to begin."

Ginal felt weak and dumbfounded as she stared back into her Selah's eyes.  Those deep, unending pools of brilliant sapphire always threatened to swallow the lancer entirely.  She reached for her beloved's hand and squeezed tightly.

"Selah, I...I know I'm damaged.  I know I'm not good enough to be your lover, but...I'm sorry.  I'm sorry for everything I didn't do that I know now I should have.  I won't ask you to take me back...just to forgive me."

The older woman's heart ached at the words she heard.  To hear Ginal still thinking so poorly of herself was beyond the last thing Selah ever wanted for the woman she loved.

"How can I explain to you, my Kitten?  How can I tell you...?"

Selah realized that she had not idea how to start to talk to her miqo'te, but that she did have another option available.  Something, she hoped, might just be bold enough to reach Ginal through her doubts.

"Come with me," she beckoned to Ginal.

Selah quickly made her way into the Canopy,  and marched straight to the musicians as they were taking a moment to rest their voices and tune their instruments.  Ginal stood back a ways, watching and wondering as Selah spoke to the minstrels.  The female dragoon took a position before the band as they began to play a deliberate, downbeat melody.  Ginal's heart began to race as she remembered the tune.

"So many things I know I need to tell you...
But everything is gonna be alright..." 

Selah projected her voice loud enough to be heard all across the Canopy's halls, with her contralto voice holding a moderately polished sound.  She stared through the gathered throng and held her gaze to Ginal's.

"The pain you feel right now is hard to get through...
But we'll be stronger on the other side..."

"You know it's true,
just look behind these eyes."

"And I...I want you to know...I can't wait for tomorrow...
You're a star...it's what you are...I'll never let you go..."

"I want you to see...you're more than everything...
my heart and soul...you make me whole...you're everything to me..."

As the music washed over Ginal and held her gaze with Selah's, she finally understood.  She finally understood what this song meant, and she finally understood that Selah would, truly, never let her go.  The miqo'te silently told the gods how much she loved this woman before her.

"Don't you know that I could never hurt you...
and sometimes we just can't see eye to eye..."

Ginal slowly walked toward Selah and her commandeered band.  Her own soprano voice was equally audible and filled with honesty, but a little rough.

"These days all we seem to do is argue...
I wonder when the love got left behind..."

"Forget that!
Let's start over tonight!"

"And I...I want you to know...I can't wait for tomorrow...
You're a star...it's what you are...I'll never let you go..."

"I want you to see...you're more than everything...
my heart and soul...you make me whole...you're everything to me..."

The two lovers met, scant inches from each other as they both struggled to contain the myriad of emotions trying to claw their way out of the two women's hearts through their tears.  They joined their voices into a heartfelt and beautiful harmony that even began to affect many of the bar's patrons.

"So take a look around and find...

No matter where you are in time...

I'll be the one who's watching over you."

"So when you're reaching for a hand...

I'll be the one who understands...

I'll be the net for you to fall into."

The minstrels continued on with the chorus as the lovers embraced.  Selah tilted the redhead's head up by her chin and pressed her lips to Ginal's.  The kiss continued for what felt like an eternity, and as the band ceased their playing, a mixture of sentimental applause and good natured jeering reminded the two that they weren't alone.  They both blushed as they made their way, hand in hand, through the crowd and up the stairs to Ginal's room.

Mother Miounne, Guildmaster Ywain, Timothy, Ozalie and Grezel all sat at the bar, silently watching.  Miounne and Ywain nodded to each other, while Ozalie looked up at the Azure Dragoon beside her at what she swore was a sniffling sound.

"Are you crying, Grez?"

Without a word, Grezel stood and made his way out of the Canopy.

"I wouldn't have believed it if I didn't see it.."

Ginal lay her head in her lover's lap as Selah idly ran her fingers through the miqo'te's hair.  Their naked forms were still sticky from sweat as they lay on the bed.  They were both near exhausted, but wholly satisfied.

"You're hair is growing out.  I think I like it long," Selah stated.

The lancer smiled sweetly, "I'll grow it more, then."

Selah basked in the blissful moment, leaning down to kiss the miqo'te's forehead.  

"Ginal...let's make this official.  Move in with me."

The lancer hesitated as she studied her lover.  "What if I drop my boots on the bed?"

"Then you can change the sheets."

"And if I put your books in the wrong spot?"

"Then you can arrange them properly."

The redhead again hesitated, "And what if we have an argument?"

"Then we'll talk about it, after we cool down, and figure out what we could have done better."

Ginal smiled brightly a she sat up and hugged her dragoon.

"I love you, my Lady."

"I love you, my Kitten."

Six days after breakup (13 days after Cancer Incident)

Selah hoisted the bag of clothing over her shoulder and waited by the door.  Ginal tucked her treasured picture under her arm as she also secured the strap of a bag around her neck.  The miqo'te cautiously removed the sheet covering her lance, and stood for a moment, silently staring at it.

"Are you okay?" Selah asked.  "I can come back for it later."

Ginal held her hand out before the steel crafted lance that Selah gave to her.  After a moment's hesitation, she shook her head, and grasped the weapon.  

"I'll be okay.  Let's go."

The auburn haired dragoon exited the room, and the lancer stopped to look back one more time.  She smiled at the memories she made here, and smiled wider at the memories to come.  Ginal blew out the last lit lamp, and closed the door.

Entry 8, thirty-two days after Silk Talons: Chapter 8

From both Ginal's and Selah's Journals:

Everything is going to be okay.  I've learned a lot that I intend to not forget, like the importance of actually talking to the one you love when there's a problem.  We're going to live together as a formal couple from now on, and I can't wait for what tomorrow brings.

I love her, and she loves me.  It's a wonderful thing.

**The song "Everything To Me" belongs to Bowling For Soup**