Everheart: Chapter 18

 It was like a living dream.

Everything in this place was skewed, slanted in a way that defied explanation.  It was dark and weightless, and stretched on for eternity.  And there lay Ginal, her naked form glimmering with light that was dimmer than Selah remembered.

"Kitten!" she cried.

Only silence and echos.

As she approached her beloved, a haze gathered and hung in the air.  It was thick, and alive with energy.  A consciousness given form, and she knew she wasn't alone.  The haze swirled and gathered, changing into brilliant green flame.

"Why are you here?" the flame demanded. "Come to mock me with more of your plans to leave me?  Or to tell me how much of a freak I am?"

It was the same sultry, predatory growl of the Emerald Demon.  Dread threatened to overtake Selah, an all-consuming chill tickling her spine.

"Leave me alone." Emerald commanded.

The fire dissipated, returning to the haze, and receded into the shadows of this insubstantial cave.

"No!  Come back!" Selah called.  "You can't just leave me!  You HAVE to talk to me!"

Silence, and echos.

Ginal lay still, curled upon herself.  Not even a twitch of the ear or flick of the tail in response.  Desperation edged its way into Selah's heart as she glanced around.  She finally realized she was biting her lip, or whatever was the equivalent in this place of formless existence.

Alright...we'll try it again.

"Oh, I get it." Selah's tone turned condescending.  "You're jealous, aren't you?  Of him touching me, kissing me.  Jealous that he knows how to use what's between his legs better than you?"

Forcing these lies had become exhausting, to say nothing of the utterly nauseating effect having to listen to herself was having.  If Selah were still in her body, she was certain she would have retched this time.

"You shouldn't do that..." Ginal whispered, slowly pushing herself up from her makeshift bed.  "Don't mock her.  I can't calm her anymore.  I don't know what she'll do."

Selah was at her side, embracing her and petting her hair, trying to offer the most reassuring smile she could fake.

In the near-distance, twin flames of emerald simmered in the dark.  Their gaze narrowed upon the hyur, and the rage they cast was palpable.

"I'll tell you what I'll do..." Emerald purred.  "I'll find him and rip him apart!  Make him suffer and bleed for all he's done!"

A pause in Emerald's words, and the emotional energy that filled the place shifted suddenly, from a consuming rage to a penetrating arousal.

"...But not until I've made him watch a woman show him how to really use these bits."

I would love nothing more than to watch you torment him so, Ginal.  To humiliate him, break him and vaporize the bastard.  But where would it end?  This state you're in, your passion has been consumed by rage.  If that were indulged and fed, it would be like unleashing a new primal upon the world.

Dammit, what do I do?

"Help me, Kitten." Selah whispered as she cradled Ginal.  "What can I do?"

Ginal could only shrug.  "She's our drive, our...fire.  And now she's carrying all our pain.  What can you say to someone so lost to their pain that they believe the entire world has turned against them?  Even their own beloved."

Selah rose to face the eyes simmering in the dark.  Heated anger swelled in her heart as she stalked forward, pointing sharply at the emerald eyes.  "I didn't turn against you, Ginal!  Not in my heart, not even for a moment!"  She knew it wasn't really tears in her eyes, but the perception was identical to wet, blurred vision.  "Did you EVER stop to think, AT ANY FUCKING POINT, that for once I needed YOU?!  That after these MONTHS of you pleading for patience and understanding, that I needed at least a FUCKING FRACTION of it back?!"

The emotion crackling through the air stilled, as the intensity of the twin flames cooled.

Her fists trembled desperately, and though her legs threatened to buckle, Selah forced herself forward.  "Geoffrey was my worst nightmare, Ginal!  Everything you've experienced across your whole life, was condensed to five years for me!  He HUMILIATED me, DOMINATED me, BEAT me and FUCKING RAPED ME for five--FUCKING--years!"

The wet pools had turned to streams of liquid exasperation, as Selah snarled at the Demon in her shroud of shadows.  "So yeah, Mom came barging in with this damnable letter, and I didn't know what to think!  Was it a hoax, was it real?  If he was really alive, then what did I need to do to get him out of my life, so that we could have our life together?  And hey, maybe you could come with me, stand by me, FUCKING SUPPORT ME?!  But no, you got all hurt and you left me to face this alone, where I had no idea what was right or wrong anymore because all I can think of if how desperate I am to be rid of the bastard and go home to you!  You made ME the bad guy for NO REASON, when all I asked for was some love and support!"

But buckle they did, and Selah found herself on the cavern floor.  She could only barely see for all the tears clouding her vision, as she angrily punched the floor.  "I didn't know...I didn't know what happened while I was gone.  How could I?  But then I got these letters telling me you were in this catastrophe, and there was this demon, and I knew it was you without even being there, and I ran as fast I could, and finally found you, but...  But gods, Ginal, it was a twisted you, and you were trying to kill the people who only wanted to help you.  And I had to get your attention, to get you to burn off this rage, but I went too far and I said these horrible things, and--I..."



Only Selah's sobbing echoed through this place.  Ginal came to her lover's side and embraced her, staring up at the eyes hanging in the shadows.  "It wasn't her fault.  She didn't do this to us.  You know this."

Emerald knew it was true, though pulling away from the intensity of the moment to actually see what was right in front of her was the most difficult thing she had ever done.  She watched as her other, lighter half embraced thte sobbing heap that was Selah.  She knew Selah had also experienced true pain, but had never realized it.

And she knew that Selah, her one and only love, HAD needed the same love, support and understanding that she had been asking for all these months.  Disgust and self-loathing washed over Emerald as she turned away.  She couldn't bear to look upon what she had done.

Is this all that I've become?  Is this all I can do?  Lash out and hurt everyone who cares every time I get lost in moment?  And Selah...  Gods, I've finally broken her, haven't I?

Maybe it's time for me to go away.

Quickly, Ginal rose and reached into the shadowy veil, and pulled Emerald forward.  Smiling, she embraced her darker half as she laughed softly.

"No, Emerald.  Your place is here with me.  We're part of a whole, and should have never acted separately.  You bring us passion and lust, the drive that pushes us ever forward.  I bring us calm and thoughtfulness, the contentment to slow down and love.  We can be something great, larger than ourselves, if we would join back together."

Selah took Ginal's hand and Emerald's hand, offering both a loving smile, "And then it can be us again, Ginal and Selah."

Disbelief, dumbfounded shock, and a humbling relief that threatened to bring Emerald to her knees.  "You...you would still have us?  After everything I've done?  As much as I let myself lose control?"

"You're my Kitten, my one and only love.  I know you didn't mean for this to happen to you, and I know you wouldn't have chosen all this.  I forgive you, Ginal, because I love you."

Selah was always better to me than I deserved.  Why does she love me so?

"I wish we could go back to how things were, but..."  Emerald offered a mournful smile as she pulled away, looking back to the shadows.  "As long as I still exist, we will be too dangerous and selfish.  I'll fly off the handle again when someone says something I don't like.  I'll lose myself to the fire and hurt people...  I'd be like some new, awful Primal."

Emerald willed her spirit weapon into being, its blade pulsing with darkness in the cave's dim light.  Selah pulled Ginal away, watching wearily as Emerald rested the sword with the blade facing up.

"But I can do what Primals won't.  I can end myself, and free the rest of you of my darkness."

"The hells you will." Selah scolded.

The hyur pulled emerald away form her sword forcefully, and her palm meeting Emerald's cheek echoed loudly through the cavern.  Emerald's eyes flared and she bore her canines.

"Damn you, Selah, I'm--"

"And damn YOU, Ginal, for ever thinking that killing an entire part of yourself is going to solve anything!  We need you--I need you--as you are!  Passionate, driven and loving.  You think you can really help anyone, or be the woman I love, if you just kill that part of yourself off?"

Okay...  She has a point.

Ginal approached, tenderly petting Emerald's cheek.  "I can't do this without you."

Emerald didn't even realize she had embraced Selah until she felt the hyur wiping the tears from her cheek.  

"I...can't make any promises." Emerald explained.  "I've always been the loudest and strongest of us.  I may need both of you to help me, to give me direction."

"I know." Selah answered.

Ginal took Emerald's hands in hers, her ears twitching happily.  "We'll do it together."

The light and dark halves of the miqo'te shimmered as they embraced, their bodies distorting and bending.  The haze gathered and swirled about them, crackling with emerald lightning, before erupting into a green fire that consumed both forms.  The flash was too bright to look upon, forcing Selah to look away, but the light quickly faded.

Ginal stood, her eyes aglow with energy, but no longer aflame.  She examined her arms, the wild curls of her hair, and her entire body, and at last set her gaze upon Selah.  Smiling and purring, she embraced her beloved tight.

"Thank you, Selah...for coming for me."

"I always will."

"So...what now?"

"I'd say it's probably time to wake up, hm?"



The two lingered a moment longer, in this place where substance had no meaning.  A world of thought and feeling, where consciousness was the only form, where they could touch each other on a level where skin would not allow.

Ginal smiled to herself, feeling more safe now than she had in years.

Crying echoed around them. The image of a young woman weeping, a miqo'te adoleacent of wine red hair, manifested near them.  It was translucent and shimmering, real, and not.

"What...is that?" Selah asked.

"It's me...I was just thinking that I haven't felt this safe since I was young, and..."

"Tell me, child, what despairs you so?" asked a voice as deep the ocean, and as gentle as satin.

The youth looked up to see tall, broadly built man kneeling before her.  He was clad in armor as dark as night, spines protruding from all over the suit, and helmet that looked like a dragon's head from tales she had heard.  Her heart ached too much to feel awed, or frightened, and merely continued to tremble and weep.

"I...my...my parents..."

He shook his head.  "Gone from this world?"

She nodded.  "They went a-away...to t-that Cart-t-tin..."

"Carteneau?  The place of the great battle?"

Again she nodded, and could speak no more through the whimpers and tears.  The man hung his head, whispering something to himself that she couldn't hear through her distress.  He reached to his helmet and pulled back, removing it to show the ears of a hyur, the wrinkles of his face indicating middle age.

"My name is Grezel.  I find myself in The Shroud for a time.  If you have no have nowhere else to go, come with me.  I will watch over you."

"I was compelled to go with him." Ginal explained.  "Maybe it was just the grief.  Hard to say.  But, I had never felt so safe in my life as I did that night."

"Wait..." Selah peered searchingly upon the living memory.  "I know this."

"You do?"

"Yeah...  I was there.  It was Hyrstmill, a couple months after the Calalmity.  The sun had just set, and I had stumbled into the town while the gates were being rebuilt.  I was starving, my clothes were ragged...and then I heard this girl crying, and saw this dragoon trying to comfort her.  I wanted to go to her, to tell her she'd be okay.  It was...a compulsion I can't explain."

"Why didn't you?"



Cast out by my mother with nothing to wear or eat or defend myself with.  Living off scraps I've stolen from inattentive housewives and workers, with no home to call my own.  Wandering for weeks, hiding from wolves and beastmen.

But I'm an adult.  She's still a bit young, pretty as she is.  I lost things I never cared for anyway.  She's had her whole world torn from her.  She needs to know she'll survive.  She needs to know someone will come and love her, someday.

Selah rose to her feet, wiped the dirt from her face, and stepped forward.

"You there.  The girl in the tattered shirt."

The voice was sharp, commanding, but oddly reassuring.  The man to whom it belonged, a hyur of roughly her same height, and eyes that pierced her very soul, approached.  The scar between his eyes spoke of experience at his own cost, and the heavily padded tunic he wore seemed at odds with the wood-carved lance harnessed on his back, seeming to argue for comfort and practicality over an imposing visage.

"What?"  She leered at the man, weary and already caught off guard by that piercing gaze.

"You clearly have need of food and shelter.  Gridania has need of those who can aid it.  A fair trade, wouldn't you say?"

"I...what, are you offering me work?"

"Work, basic needs met, maybe even a sense of purpose."

"And the catch is...?"

"You get what you give.  There are no handouts in The Shroud, but if you're willing to earn what you want, then you want for little."

She searched the man's eyes and posture.  Their was pride evident, but tempered by wisdom and...compassion.  A truly foreign sentiment, if ever there was one.

And not even a hint of arrogance or malice anywhere to be found on this man.

"What would I have to do?" she inquired.

"We'll see where you fit best," he replied, "though judging by that glint in your eye, I suspect you'd make a fine archer for our Godsbow."



The ghostly image of Selah's haggard self and Ywain faded into the void, and Selah smiled at her beloved. "By the time I was done talking with Ywain, you were gone." Selah continued.  "I had always hoped that girl was okay...  I'm glad she was." 

"Have we been searching for each other our entire lives?" Ginal asked.

"It seems that way.  I always felt like there was a part of me missing, somewhere out there.  If I just kept looking to the stars, they would guide me."

"Wait...  That wouldn't happen to be the bright star cluster of eastern sky, would it?"

Ginal knows these stars?

"Kitten...have you been looking to them as well?"

The miqo'te squeezed Selah's arms and nuzzle her.  "I've always felt the same way.  What is it about those stars that's so special?"

"If it's true...what they told us...then when we next wake...look to those stars.  I promise...I'll never stop looking for you..."

An apparition of an elezen woman, laying in a pool of blood, flickered to life before them.



Ginal squeezed her wife's hand as she lie there, her lifeblood draining onto the soil.  The elzen woman clutched her stomach with her other hand, a pained and distraught expression on her face.

"I...can't feel the baby...she's gone...I'm sorry, S-sserafine..."

The miqo'te didn't know what to say.  Her heart had shattered in ways she never dreamed possible.  To lose not just her truly beloved, but the child they would have soon greeted into the world...  To look upon Selah now, seeing her dying...

"It;s....it's okay, Amani."

She wiped blood away from Selah's lips and leaned down to kiss her as tenderly as she could.  Ginal's heart ached, her body plead for permission to tremble and collapse, but she had to be strong, if only for another moment.

"I'm sorry I couldn't protect you, Amani...I'm so sorry."

"You fought a--as....hard as you...could..."  Selah's breathing was growing more shallow by the moment, and the once awe inspiring and beautiful bright glow of her sapphire eyes had grown dim.  "If it's true...what they told us...then when...w--we next wake...look...to the stars...our stars...I promise I...I'll never s--stop looking for...you..."

The glow faded entirely from Selah's eyes, and her chest ceased its rise and fall.  Ginal gently closed her eyelids, and gave in to her body's pleas.  Her lips quivered and tears hot with grief poured from her eyes.  She lay her head on her wife's stomach, and wept like a lost child.

"Amani..."

"This is because of your defiance, Serafine." The Lady stated.  "Had you only held true to your oath, you could have had any love you wanted."

"I wanted Amani!" Ginal snapped.  She looked over her shoulder at The Lady, standing in all her divine, shimmering glory, and bared her canines.  "I served you twelve with all my heart my entire life.  You couldn't allow me this one thing?!"

"Not with Amani.  She served the Others."

"SHE WAS MY WIFE!"

Ginal's world had crumbled beneath her her feet.  She had nothing left to live for, no reason to go on.  Her trembling hand clutched the hilt of her sword as she rose from the ground, her blonde hair matted down with the lifeblood of her wife.  She spun about, desperate tears falling of her cheeks in a blur, and she swung her weapon.  The Lady caught the blade, and flash of light flew from her other other hand, striking Ginal across the chest.

The miqo'te fell to her knees, looking up at her former master with disdain.  Blood poured from a long gash in her breastplate, and the brilliant emerald glow in her eyes slowly grew dim.  With her last reserve of strength, she spit upon The Lady, and fell over.

Darkness wrapped around Ginal.  A welcoming void of non-existence.  Slumber eternal, or close enough.

I'd do it all again...just to look into those eyes once more...



Selah was aghast as the living memory faded away.  If only she could place where that horrible event had taken place...but she knew, in her heart, that it had happened to them some long time ago.

But that's ridiculous.  There's no way we could have lived lives before this...right?

"What...what was that?" Ginal pleaded, her eyes filled with sorrow.  "Why do I remember that so well?"

"I don't know, Kitten.  I...don't know."

She pulled Ginal close in a protective embrace, and kissed her forehead.

"Come, love.  Let's wake up now."